life lessons

i spent time with a co-worker tonight at dinner. we are at an off-site in a different state and found ourselves eating sushi and somehow stumbled upon topics otherwise taboo like religion, parenting, and the inter-workings of a buddhist monastery and exactly who is teaching whom.

i realized a few things tonight that profoundly impacted me. you see, while organized religions have rules and creeds and argue, battle and disparage over pieces of dogma or subtle differences over interpretations of scripture -- in the end i wonder how different we really are.

we are all looking for a path. a set of beliefs. a road to follow that has its destination in something bigger than ourselves. something more pure -- a payoff of some sort. each thinks they have the best route (not unlike my wife who believes she always knows the quickest and smartest way to get somewhere in the car), the best set of beliefs, the best 'list' i like to call it.

many need a list of things to do today (or in this lifetime) to help them get by. others can see beyond the list of actions to the intention or desired outcome. yet often we live in guilt because we did not check off the right boxes or live the life that those called to teach us tell us we should, when in reality i question whether the teacher can follow his or her own instructions.

when you live in guilt or are constantly comparing yourself with a 'better' version of yourself, i'm pretty certain you can't win. doesn't guilt and self disappointment drag you down, cause you to spend a lot of time and energy beating yourself up, rethinking your approach, or plotting a more preferred course?

i wonder if we spend too much time focusing on these things. on the destination instead of the journey. on the route instead of the life lessons learned from deviating once in a while. some of the more interesting things i've seen in life have been a result of taking a wrong turn, or wandering outside of the 'traditional' path.

i don't have the muscle to lift anyone to enlightenment -- that is certainly not what this is about -- i just find myself sucked into the vortex, caught up in the game and otherwise so focused on the list and who is checking off which boxes and how this neighbor lives his life vs. the way i've chosen to. yet i'm learning it does not really get me anywhere significant.

so my new plan is to learn to enjoy the journey, take life as it comes, relax a little, stop taking everything so seriously, or as the buddhist monk put it -- "be like water"

the real question and probably hardest of all, is how? can you make yourself relax when you've trained yourself to be a driver? can you make yourself enjoy the journey when you've always focused on making good time? can you become like water when you've had a stick up your ass for 40+ years?

only time will tell . . . but i have to try - otherwise they'll be lowering my rigid body into a stupid looking casket with blue satin and all the record time getting somewhere, all the list of goals and hard fought pieces of dogma i so thoroughly convinced others are true won't matter anymore.

mid life crisis anyone ??

age

i think its horribly surreal to realize that i am the age that i remember my parents being when i was in my prime -- in my high school years -- when i began to define my life by those around me, music, movies, pop culture and the realization that i had decisions to make and while not entirely on my own, it was quickly approaching.

so what happened to the time? who decided this was to be my career, my family, my life? i certainly did not set out on this bizarre journey with the end in mind -- with x number of years of school, y job, z house & kids & pets & bad habits. it sort of happens

if you could go back and do it again with the knowledge you now possess, would you? you say you would, but would you really? here is my thinking . . . if i did it over and took a different course, things could be somewhat better or maybe horribly worse. i would likely live in a different state, be married to a different person, have different looking kids with different names . . . so is it better, worse or just different? i don't obsess about it, but i do wonder.

time just keeps gaining ground. it never sleeps, never gets tired, and certainly never gives up. so if you think you have it beat, watch what happened in the last 5 years, the last year . . hell, the last month.

i see people in their 80's and 90's and wonder if they are just waiting to die. like really, what's next for them? besides grand kids, is there really anything new to look forward to? that's going to be me though. that old man is only a few decades away from me now.

what makes him noble, still smiling after all these years, respected, at peace with himself? did he find it early on? like should i have already found it, or is it yet to come? what if i'm too late? what if i'm the grouchy old guy who is just pissed at the world instead of enjoying what years he has left? what makes him one way vs. another? the grouchy old man never set out that way -- it was never his goal in life -- so if he didn't go looking for it, how did it find him and how do i dodge it?

i'll get back to you on this . . .

miami, or . . . . . bust

so after being routed through atlanta, which is under water presently, we get on the plane and on to the tarmac when the storm hits. thunder, lightning and massloads of rain. the captain (i like to think his name is crunch; cap'n crunch) gets on the intercom and starts out with 'folks i don't know if i've ever seen it rain this hard'

comforting words as we are seemingly ready to take off into typhoon linda

turns out we are waiting until the murderous lighting and zero visibility passes and we get a few minutes to find the hole in the clouds and make a run for it (run ?)

90 minutes later, we reach miami unscathed except my gag reflex sitting next to a red haired tree hugger with her hemp clothing, shower sometime in the past week and fugly clothes that would make the deseret industries look like nordstrom (but i'm not judging) i'm sure she's a lovely soul and her mother and father are very proud.

i get my car, get to my hotel and head for the beach cause the sun just barely went down and i'm not getting any younger, just better looking.

take a few 'wish you were here' photos to blackberry back home and go see what all this south beach hoopla is all about. i found out the next day.

the conference was precious but ended early. like a good soldier i come back to my room and return emails and do my 'homework' assignment re: collegiate spamming, strategic planning, something like that, then figure i'll hit the beach to read a book and get some color.

i walk up to the beach and like the first girl i see . . . . . are those what i think they are flappin in the breeze? why yes, i think they are.

must be a fluke, i said . . . probably some european tourist who didn't know or didn't care about public decency laws in these here parts. but then i see another (more) and another, and several more.

quick thinking took over and i ripped off my shirt also . . . to fit in, you know? it works . . no one suspects a thing.

it seemed odd that there were no signs, no evidence that this beach (miles in each direction) was top optional

i sat in the sun, read my book and enjoyed the scenery . . . . (of the ocean, duh)

remember that show 'terminal' with tom hanks?

so i had a business trip planned to miami beach for a telecom conference and then to visit a few customers in the area.

figured this would be a good one to bring along my spouse or significant other (same person) . . . see the plan is, i go to work during the day while she sits on the beach or at the pool, then we meet up at night for dinner and dancing (square dancin y'all) .. . . (grab your partner doce do . . )

so we gets ourselves to the airport at 7:00 for an 8:00 flight . . . by the time we get to the gate (had to stop for burger king breakfast sandwidch), we are the last two on the plane.

instead of shutting the door and pushing back we wait, oddly for another 20 minutes. finally the captain ( i like to think his name is jack; jack sparrow) gets on the intercom to tell us that a windshield heat sensor is bad and they will try to find one here at the airport and we'll all be on our way. turns out, the part was not at the airport but instead in houston on continental's main tool box -o- love. so instead of an 8:00am departure, its noon.

noon comes and goes with the word of a successful installation of said windshield heat sensor but there is another problem . . . someone stole the exit sign from the airplane. no, you did hear correctly, someone stole the effin exit sign with the arrows that points passengers to the big door where people get on and get off the aircraft.

the other passengers and i figure, let's get a permanent marker and a barf bag, write 'exit' on it and duct tape it where it belongs and get out of effington. apparently, the faa does not work like that, so another airline is going to fly one in. so the 8:00am went to noon and the noon went to 4:00pm . . . now they'll give us food vouchers and put us up in a hotel in houston when we arrive there.

off to dick clark's diner with the hip music, the aging pop culture oozing from the muraled walls and a nice american indian waiter . . .let's call him ricky

back to our gate dutifully at 4:00 along with the 180 other passengers we've sort have made friends with, only to find out that the wrong exit sign was flown in. . . . . yes, the wrong exit sign (they should really standardize to just one).

now the 8:00am is not to leave until midnight and most passengers just come unglued.

we'd had enough, so we got our bags pulled off the airplane, got some food vouchers, a refund on her ticket and 12 hours after arriving, we left the airport, same city, same view.

you hear about these airline horror stories . . .but you always hear them from others and keep saying 'that sucks'

take it from this one . . . . .it sucks.

i'm always a little sad when . . .

it's amazing to me how through the long winters here you look so forward to summer. then it gets here, and gets busy, and soon enough, the summer is slipping away.

fall is a time that is both scenic and sad. the mountains light up with fall colors, the air temp cools off to a place where you can be outside in the middle of the day without heat stroke and you feel like everything is going to be ok . . . .but then, you realize, summer is over and winter is next.

school is back in session which means homework, herding kids off to bed and open you damn wallet because everyone needs something, be it clothes, books, tuition, more clothes.

every year about this time its the same: "what do I need to do that I enjoy but cannot do in the winter?" is that because i don't live each day like it might be my last? yeah, probably, or its just the pessimistic realization that in two months i'll be shoveling snow and be bitter about the fact that my summer is gone and I never did _____(fill in the blank).

so, get yourself outdoors and do those blank things so there are no regrets later.

japan

so i just returned from a week in japan.

first time in asia . . first time really out of the country unless you count popular vacation destinations as mexico, puerto rico, the carribean or canada.

life in japan is very different . . . i'm not sure what i expected, i just did not expect what i saw (and smelled). it was a good time, don't get me wrong, i just found it so bizarre in so many ways.

the language amazes me . . . like how do they really understand each other? do they think that about english? it doesn't sound as 'long duck dong' as chinese, but some words are so long to say something so short in english. like thank you or thanks in english is pretty short. in japanese its 'arrigato gozaimasu' and they say it about 13 times a minute.

japanese are very proper and very courteous. they bow often and thank you even when they are helping you. i also noticed they take age very seriously. the elderly always move in with the grown children. its never a question, there are no such things as nursing homes that i could see. parents just move in with their kids when they are too old to handle life themselves.

they are proper in their dress, their speaking and their business transactions. at stores or restaurants, even seven 11 that are plentiful like kfc and mcdonalds, they have a little tray that you put your money in and the cashier takes it from the tray then gives you your change back in the tray, even if they are only two feet away on the other side of the counter.

combo meals at macdonalds are called 'sets', portions are very small, and the only overweight japanese i saw, ever, were those eating in an american restaurant . . . does that tell you anything?

they eat fish for every meal, rice for most, and top about everything off with a fried egg. we went to an italian restaurant in tokyo and on top of a plate of spaghetti, they serve a fried egg. macdonalds hamburgers have a bun, meat, lettuce, cheese and a fried egg. a bowl of noodles, fried egg.

the little noodle houses are everywhere and they always have plastic models of the food they serve in the windows outside their shop. the plastic does not do them any favors in terms of looking appealing to americans. in general, all japanese food to me at least looks like a dare.

i was a little intimidated before going not knowing a word of their language. i found for the most part, especially in the bigger cities, that most spoke enough english that with pointing, acting it out or using one word explanations in english for what you want, they'll figure it out and are happy to help.

most signs in bigger cities are in japanese and english. the airport is a breeze, the trains have electronic signs that alternate between english and japanese, and even announcements on the trains on the overhead speakers have both versions: japanese and english.

speaking of trains (were we?) the bullet trains, the high speed trains called the shinkansen (shin kaan sen) are the coolest ever. they range in speed from 130 to 275 miles per hour depending on the line you are on. they are expensive, but non-japanese can get an 'all you can eat' pass before entering japan for about $300 . . . the amazing thing is that they are always on time, always, they run at 200 miles per hour and are super smooth, quiet, clean and have food carts that are pushed by a japanese girl in a colorful uniform that come up and down the aisles to offer snacks, coke, tea and beer. people never talk on their cell phone
on the train because that would be disrespectful to others. i'd take those things here if they had them all day long.

you can get about anywhere you need to go by train there. the shinkansen is for longer trips -- city to city (or prefecture to prefecture, the equivalent of our states). local trains get you from place to place, street cars/trolleys and even train stations inside the airport so you get off your flight, go down a few flights of stairs and get on the express leaving the airport for various destinations.

so much history in cities like kyoto where i saw temples built by buddhist monks that were from the year 800 or 900. amazing feats of craftsmanship, even by today's standards, but how did they do that so long ago? i saw the longest wooden building in japan and went up the highest building in japan (the tokyo tower -- built after the eiffel tower, but taller than it).

tokyo is amazing. so big. so huge . . i was not prepared for that. i've been to new york a few times and marvelled at the size of manhattan. the concrete jungle they call with just miles of buildings and skyscrapers everywhere. the size of tokyo just dwarfs new york. it makes new york look like vernal by comparison, its just that huge.

you can go from one local train station to the next in tokyo and see a completely different world. shinjuku is huge with skyscrapers and business districts. harajuku is the teenage wonderland with american stores, latest fashions and a street called takeshita (i know it looks like take shit a but is pronounced like talk a sheeta) that is so crowded with teenagers who desperately want to look like an american. blond died hair, decked out in american designer fashions, and american music playing from every store. they have gap, h&m and forever 21 that are so full of teenagers, you'd think a jonus brothers concert just got out.

i really expected to see technology that far surpassed what we have in america. maybe that is the way it used to be, and maybe i was just looking in the wrong places, but i was disappointed. you did see people on the train turn their cell phones sideways, pull out a small antennae from their phone and watch tv but beyond that the electronics seemed to be what we have here.

the toilets were pretty high tech though . . . they all have electronic toilets. my favorite was the one where you opened the bathroom door, and the motion sensor turned on the light and lifted the toilet lid for you. when you were done you choose which button to push on a console on the wall -- one labeled 'weak flush' and one labeled 'strong flush' . . . i guess you can tell that you choose based on whether you just performed number 1 or number 2. all toilet seats are heated which really disturbed me.

watching japanese tv made me realize why we make fun of the japanese . . they are all just really weird. odd graphics, adults acting like kids, and japanese game shows?? who thinks of this stuff, the criminally insane?

in all, i had a great time, learned to appreciate a different culture, people, language and food. glad to be back, glad to be an american but i can certainly appreciate the respect that exists there. respect for others, for property, pride in the city, the clean environment (always see people cleaning streets, tombstones etc. no graffiti) and a sense that those people knew from tradition what the right thing was and they just did it, no matter if it was hard or unpleasant. made me feel lazy and spoiled.

but for now, i'll hang out in my air conditioned home, eat 'normal' food, watch american tv, drive my car with the steering wheel on the left side of the car and think back on the cool (not literally, it was bloody hot) experience i had in japan.

quintessential quotes

this post is dedicated to great quotes, from movies, songs or humans. if you have some other precious ones, do share:

from Juno:
Geez, Banana! Shut your freakin' gob!

Su-Chin: I'm having a little trouble concentrating.
Juno: Oh well I could sell you some of my Adderall if you want.
Su-Chin: No thanks I'm off pills.
Juno: That's a wise choice because I knew this girl who like had this crazy freak out because she took too many behavioral meds at once and she like ripped off her clothes, and dove into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and was like, "Blah I am a Kracken from the sea!"
Su-Chin: I heard that was you.
Juno: Well, it was good seeing ya Su-Chin

Leah: Whoa! Check out Baby Big Head. Dude, that thing is freaky lookin'.
Juno: Excuse me. I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell

so i married an axe murderer:
Stuart Mackenzie: Well, it's a well known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the five wealthiest people in the world, known as The Pentavirate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet tri-annually at a secret country mansion in Colorado, known as The Meadows.
Tony Giardino: So who's in this Pentavirate?
Stuart Mackenzie: The Queen, The Vatican, The Gettys, The Rothschilds, *and* Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. Oh, I hated the Colonel with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face. "Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken! Ohhhhh!"
Charlie Mackenzie: Dad, how can you hate "The Colonel"?
Stuart Mackenzie: Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly, smartass!

Stuart Mackenzie: Alright, give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

mike doughty - Happiness stinks up the room

bulletproof glass in the KFC to keep the man safe in his paper hat
keep the wrong hands off the biscuit fortune

beck - get crazy with the cheese whiz

dennis miller - A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

forgetting sarah marshall:
Aldous Snow: [holding a single sandal] I've lost a shoe... have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I've lost a shoe... like this one. It's like this one's fellow... it's sort of the exact opposite in fact of that - not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this... but for the other foot. Otherwise I'd have two right...

Aldous Snow: I would rather have my testicles spread out like a wafer and then have them covered in a layer of honey and then have wasps come and sting me and then have them covered in another layer of vinegar and then have it worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi. I'd rather have that than spend another second with her.

Rachel Jansen: I can see your hoohah!